Times worth trying
by Mistress Angel
Summary: Lily begins having doubts about her relationship with James and runs off to meet Serverus just before her wedding.


Lily was lying awake in her bed staring straight up at the ceiling, her green eyes unblinking.

'What's wrong with me' she thought. 'In a few days I'm going to be married to the man I love. I should, I am happy' she continued to chant in her mind trying to convince her self.

'James I love James' she thought, yet when she managed to close her eyes there was another face staring back at her, another pair of black deep eyes that she was getting lost in.

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Serverus was pacing the streets outside his home, he couldn't relax. He knew it was just a matter of time until the women he loved would be married to the man he hated.

If only things were different. He wished he could change it all, if he hadn't called her a mud blood if he hadn't given up so easily, If he had told her how he felt then maybe it would be him preparing for his upcoming wedding instead of Potter.

He headed back towards his house so he could drink until he could no longer remember her, until he could drink her eyes away. He didn't want her presence to haunt him any longer.

He sat on his old grey couch drinking back a bottle of rum, it was all he had left since he hadn't gone out in so long.

"To Lily" he sighed as he held his glass up and downed it in one go.

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James was home she could hear him down the stairs as he stumbled around, she sighed he had been getting drunk and partying every night with his friends due to Sirius's influence. Apparently it was James's duty as a man to enjoy his last few days. He had been going out every night and leaving her far too much time to think. She heard him coming up the stairs and rolled over pretending to sleep, with any luck he would go straight to bed.

"Lily" he whispered all too loudly. "Hey Lily, I'm home" She kept her eyes firmly shut as she felt the bed sink down beside her.

"Come on" he prodded shaking her arm.

"What?" she replied harshly even though she had been wide awake.

"You missed a fun night"

"I'm sure"

"Hey were going to be married soon" he told her, as if she could forget. He placed his arm around her and pulled her close.

"Yes I can't wait" she replied and he smiled at her.

"Me either. I love you"

"Love you to" she answered back automatically. It was true, that she at least knew.

"We have the rest of our lives together" he yawned as he lied down and began to drift off.

"Forever" she whispered knowing he could no longer hear her. "That's the whole point" she rolled over then and moved silently from the bed.

She walked through the house before finding the perch where her owl was sitting. She grabbed a quill and paper and breathing hard she bagan writing. She wrote as quickly as she could while her hand shook slightly.

Finished she strapped the message to the bird and sent it off, before she had time to change her mind. Her heart was beating frantically as she watched the bird soar to its destination, there was no calling it back now. She could only wait for a reply.

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Serverus stirred on his couch having dozed off from the alcohol. He dragged himself to his room barely conscious and moved towards his welcoming bed. He collapsed onto it, his greasy dark hair falling into his face as he did so. He began to drift back to sleep, falling into those familiar green eyes when he heard a tap at his window.

Assuming he was imagining things he closed his eyes tighter and rolled over to find a more comfortable position but the tapping persisted. He sat up angrily preparing to find the source of his annoyance when he noticed a brown owl at his window.

He moved reluctantly towards it wondering who could be writing him so late at night. He opened the window and grabbed the letter, the familiar hand writing caught his eye causing him to sober rather quickly. There before his eyes was a message from Lily.

_Serverus, I know I shouldn't be writing this, I'm not quite sure why I am to be honest. It's just I miss you, I want to talk to you. Perhaps we could meet? I could come by or we could go somewhere? That is if you have the time. I'll be awaiting your reply. _

_Yours Always Lily _

Stunned he read the letter several times trying to soak up every word and every meaning, when his eyes began to blur and he could read no longer he stopped.

His mind was working frantically trying to figure out why she had sent him this. Perhaps she really did miss him, maybe she didn't want Potter anymore, maybe she wanted him. He laughed to himself, he was a fool, this was probably nothing more then an attempt to capture a long past friendship, one that could never be again.

He crumpled the paper and threw it down, to much had changed. He sent the owl on its way and moved back towards his bed and even if it was for more, what could he offer her? He wasn't the man she used to know anymore. He sat on his bed for a moment and for a long while just starred at the mark on his arm.


End file.
